The Drifting Fade

Haiku 3/8/25

Taken 3/6/25

the drifting fade
of cloud strokes
absence blooms 


// Colin M. Alley

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When I sit and let a moment touch me it often has been through the lens of mindfulness. Suggestions of a continuous returning.

I try and read a passage of Zen Mind Beginners Mind each day - I sit straight and on the floor. Sometimes I light an incense stick. Others, I’ll have a cup of tea to keep my mind sharp. But it’s always on the floor and it’s always with a straight back.

I don’t understand all of it. It’s all very new for me. It’s not logical - and I have led a very logical life. I’m an atheist if that gives you an idea! My past job was a quality assurance position within a Fortune 500 company. My very job was underlining weakness and analyzing every error.

You know, reading that last sentence back, it’s a bit ironic how harsh I can be of myself (diagnosed with depression / anxiety) and yet made a job out of doing it to others!…

…I may not understand fully, but I am unlearning. Just breathing and sitting. Watching my thoughts and feelings come and go. And in that I’ve become sensitive to transiency. It’s what I think about most often when I light and incense stick. I watch the smoke dance and coil before eventually fading. I think about the moment itself represented in that smoke. I think about my life, other lives in it. Those who I’ve lost. It’s short isn’t it? I feel like I’ve blinked and I’m 28 years old.

Everything’s coming and going, everything changes. A thing that exists in one moment may not exist in the next.

I’ve feared change all my life, finding absolute comfort in my comfort zone - a space void of change. I don’t always love change - but I can grow to accept it. I’m doing just that through my connection with nature and haiku, and now, Zen Buddhism. I feel truly grateful for it all.